My whole life I searched for something or someone who could make me 
happy. I had been abused so much and neglected so much that finally 
I didn't care if I lived or died. Looking back I guess I had always 
dabbled a little with drugs, I never really realized that I had a 
problem. 

I started out with speed, then I became a heavy pot smoker (I smoked 
them like cigarettes), then one night one of my ex-boyfriend's turned 
me on to cocaine. It was wonderful. It took all my insecurities, 
all my worries, and fears. I instantly feel in love. I started doing 
whatever I had to do to get it. I lied, cheated, stole anything to 
get some more. Finally I moved in with my drug dealer, this almost 
was my destruction. 

One night after we had been partying he got real violent, he threatened 
to kill me and I knew he meant it. I went to my Mom's. My Mom is a 
good woman and if it hadn't been for her prayers I probably wouldn't be 
here today. she told me she would help me if I would get straight. 
I was in trouble with big time drug dealers, I had no more friends left, 
and I was in serious trouble with the law. She agreed to help me.

I went regularly to NA meetings and intensive drug counseling. I stayed 
straight about a year. Then I started smoking pot and taking nerve pills. 
Then I started dating this guy and we started using needles. Years went 
by, I married that same guy but we had found a different high, Morphine. 
We stole, ran scams, anything to get money for our next fix. We stole off 
our family, we were losing our house, we had pawned our vehicles, we were 
starving to death, and worst of all God only knows how our two little kids 
suffered. Because of dope I have seen them go hungry many times, I 
regret that so bad. 

Then something happened one day, I found out I was pregnant. It scared 
me, I knew I was on dope worse than ever. How was this baby going to turn 
out. We went to Rehab so many times, tried everything but nothing could 
get us clean. No one in our community would speak to us, we were hated so 
bad for the things that we had done to people. My Mom wouldn't have 
anything to do with us no more, most of our family wouldn't even wave 
when passing on the road. 

We were living in dirt holes, on the river bank, stealing food, getting 
ready to lose the kids we had. And no one cared, but God. I thank Him 
so much for caring for someone like me. April the 11th 1998 He saved us, 
He totally took our withdraws, and everything. I know that sounds 
impossible but it is true, rehab couldn't do it, my Mom couldn't do it, 
my own will couldn't do it. It took the blood of my precious Savior 
to wash me clean. 

You would not believe us now. I have seen miracle after miracle He has 
done for us. We have our kids, my baby was born clean and healthy, we 
have three vehicles, a lawnmower, a 4-wheeler, a weed eater, 2 TV's. These
things may not mean much to other people but these were things we could 
never had before because we would sell them. My life is God's, He has 
done so much for me and I owe it all to Him. 

I wish I could show you the miracle that God has done in my life. In the 
last two years I've watched 7 of our close friends die from drugs or 
alcohol. 6 has gone to jail, 4 are in the Penn. for many years. I thank 
God for having mercy on us. My kids are doing good now, my oldest boy 
is 11 and he still has some problems and needs prayer. All my other 
two kids know God.

I want you to know if God did it for me, then He will do the same for 
you so never give up.