Some of us spend our whole lives lying to ourselves. Perhaps we pretend that we are 10 pounds
thinner than we really are. Or "forget" to change the number on our driver's license when we renew
it even though we know it's been years since we weighed 110 pounds. We put on our best faces
for our friends and the people we meet. We want to leave a good impression.
But deep down inside we know that we are really sinful. We know the awful things we have done or
said or thought, the countless ways we have hurt others or failed to help them, the selfish or hateful
feelings we've had, and all of our flaws can seem overwhelming. Sometimes we turn that pain-the pain
of knowing ourselves truly and honestly with all our faults-into a kind of self-loathing. We "punish"
ourselves in a thousand different ways-by putting ourselves down or telling ourselves that we are not
worthy of God's love.
We hold ourselves to worldly illusions of perfection and success-seeking to achieve the perfect figure,
hairstyle, clothes, and makeup. We set ourselves up for failure as we attempt to be someone we're not.
We think that if we can somehow achieve this thing we call "perfection," we can be worthy of or find
this unconditional love we so crave.
Like Adam and Eve in the garden, we try to hide. We hide our sins from the rest of the world. We hide
our sins from ourselves, burying them deep in our hearts where they fester and burn, and we try to hide
them from God.
But the truth is, we cannot hide from God. We cannot tell God anything He does not already know. He
knows everything. Our very deepest thoughts and desires. Our best self. Our most shameful self. The
woman you are and the woman you want to be. He sees your flaws and He loves you anyway.
There is nothing you can tell God that He doesn't already know. Believe me, you cannot shock God.
He's heard it all and He's seen it all.
God knows everything about us-even the number of hairs on our head. "And even the very hairs on your
head are all numbered" Matthew 10:30 He knows what is in our heart-the good and the bad. He knows
all about our sins and our failings-and He loves us anyway!
God loves us just the way we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way. He wants more for
us-everlasting life, complete unconditional love, happiness, peace, and joy-even more than the blessings we
want for our children. If you are a mother, think of how much you love your own children-how fiercely
and intensely you want to love and protect them. Now multiply that a million times over and you will
begin to feel something of what God wants for us, His children.
We can and must be open and honest with God-lay it all on the line-the sorrow, the pain, the frustration, the
things we've done and failed to do, our thoughts and actions, the dark side of us, the things we're ashamed
of-in honesty and humble attrition. Bring it all to Him and lay it at His feet. He knows it all anyway. We
can't shock Him. But we must admit our sins to Him and to ourselves-so we can release them and accept
His gift of forgiveness and begin anew, washed clean by His love and by the sacrifice of His son for us.
Sometimes I try to comprehend how much He loves us. I know how much I love my own children-fiercely,
intensely, like no one else-God loves us that much and more. He also loved His son, Jesus, that much and
more. And still He sacrificed His only son on the cross for us. Can you imagine watching your son suffer
and die-and such a horrible death, deliberately inflicted by others, too? I can't. It hurts too much to even
think of such a thing. And yet He did.
©2002 Tina L. Miller (excerpt from When A Woman Prays, by Tina L. Miller, published by
Obadiah Press, ISBN 0-9713266-1-4, printed here with permission.
You can email the author at tina@ObadiahPress.com.)