I want to give God all the glory today! I praise Him for his faithfulness in bringing
me through one of the darkest valleys of my life.
I was married nine years, and last year (2001) my world, as I knew it, came to a sudden
end. Last year, my husband's father died, and five days after his death, my husband left
me, without warning. I had no idea when I came home from work that terrible day that
my husband would be packed up and gone. I went into emotional shock, as you can well
imagine. I was devastated. This marriage was a Christian marriage....and I knew that
I wanted my marriage to work out, because I did not want to break my covenant before God.
Well, I did a lot a soul-searching through a 2 1/2 month separation. . . and tried to
"become" what my husband wanted me to be. Of course, I knew that change was not a sudden
thing. . . but I was willing to do ANYTHING to preserve my marriage. So, I did what was
required, and a big part of the requirement was "apologizing" to many of his family members.
I want to mention here that I never did anything wrong to his family, but I might explain
that I never really "fit in" to their plan of who a perfect wife for this man was supposed
to be. But I bent over backwards and made my apologies, figuring that God would smile down
on me for my humbleness and willingness to submit to these people. Like Scrooge on
Christmas morning, I was determined to "turn over a new leaf" and be all that I could be in
order for my husband to love me again. I busied myself in "doing for others" instead of just
thinking of myself first, and I was truly trying to exemplify a good Christian life. Remember,
it's not that I was ever a bad person. . . . I just never really fit into my husband's "clan"
- I have always been a loner, with no real family ties of my own. My husband and I came from
two entirely different backgrounds.....and in the end, these two entirely different backgrounds
figured in greatly to the demise of our marriage. You see, what was truly troubling our marriage
the most was the fact that my husband put his family first on his list of important people in
his life. He claimed that Jesus came first, and I believed him. But I felt I should have
come next, not his family. My husband never truly grasped the scripture about "a man shall
leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife." When I mentioned this scripture to him,
over and over again, he would respond: "That doesn't mean to 'forsake' my family!!!"
I was beating a dead horse.
Also, I might add, that our marriage was never consummated. The problem was not with me. . .
but my husband never really cared to pursue the Lord or medical technology for help. . . so I
just "turned myself off", and considered myself a non-sexual entity, and that seemed to get me
by over the years. Boy, was I ever kidding myself, big time!
My husband and I tried to reconcile for a six month period. . . .it was a joke. But I REALLY,
REALLY tried to make it work. He worked nights, I worked days. Weekends would finally come,
and he would want to spend most of it with his 81-year old mother. Sunday would come, and he
would take his mother to church, not his wife. Before his father died, my husband and I went
to our own church together for eight years! But now, I was not "welcome" to go to church with
the and his family. So I stayed home and cried. It was a living nightmare. BUT, remember,
I was determined. . .
After five months of this, I found my husband in bed one morning, doing something to himself
that he shouldn't have been doing, and something which he has been doing quite regularly since
his teenage years, and suddenly, I just flipped. All my "courteousness", "apologeticness,"
"humbleness", "submissiveness", came to a sudden, furious end. I told him what I thought
about what he has been doing for nearly 30 years, and then I walked out of the house and spoke
to God. I travailed in prayer, for the first time in my life. I had heard of travail before,
but never experienced it. That morning, for the first time, I travailed. I told the Lord I
had done everything I knew to do, and had experienced enough suffering, enough "trying", enough
"changing" . . . and I asked God to either fix my husband, or send me someone who could love
me like a woman is supposed to be loved .....like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for
it. You see, in my husband's viewpoint, he was okay. I was the problem in the marriage. The
Lord finally gave me a revelation during my prayer of travail. He told me that my husband was
not being obedient to His voice, and therefore, it was my husband's free will that caused the
problem/breach. My husband was very adamant about pointing out my flaws, but was unwilling
to work on his own. The Lord cannot "force" you to obey His voice. He can only work with
a willing, yielded vessel.
That very same evening after I prayed that powerful, travailing prayer to my Lord, my current
husband, the man God chose for me, pulled into my driveway at my house.
I stand in awe of my Lord. . . He looked beyond my fault and saw my need. Folks, God
answers prayer! I am a living testimony.
New scenario: I am now living with my new husband, and am finally fulfilled as a woman. My
ex is living with his mother, happily, I assume. I love my new husband with all my heart,
and he loves me. After our precious Lord, my husband is first in my life, and I am first in
his life. Thank you, Jesus, for your grace, your patience, and especially your faithfulness.
Thank you for delivering my help-mate to me. I am 52 years old, and my Lord said: "Enough!"
He answered the cry of his hurting child.
I hope this testimony blesses someone out there who is hurting. .. someone who seems to have
no hope. I've been there. BUT GOD!! Pray, people! Pray earnestly. Travail if you are
as desperate as I was. Then give Him thanks and praise for what He is going to do in your
life, because He is faithful and true.
In His love,
Christine (a very happy newlywed!)