Let me begin by saying that sharing my life story or testimony is scary.
Being real and believing that the past is covered by Jesus' blood is what
makes this happen without fear. It is my prayer that my lessons of God's
love and forgiveness will penetrate others and that anyone that is from
my past reads this and understands that deliverance and peace is given
to me through Jesus and is available to you also.
Growing up on the "Mainline" in Wayne, PA, was the setting for the years
of my life as a small child. I was raised in an upper class family, with
both parents home. My father was a jazz drummer and our heritage was
from "Scheidt Beer". Mostly, I have memories of parties and dining out
at the fancy restaurants as a family. Life was good, as far as a little
girl could see.
Ten years went by and the announcement was made that my parents were
divorcing. My mother, brother, and I went from riches to pennies quickly.
In my mothers depression, she would make a choice that would change our
lives forever. Without getting into deep details, this choice would
invite drug abuse, alcohol abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and
physical abuse into our lives for years to come.
Through these years, I grew into a controlling, defensive, people pleasing,
insecure, hard to confront, co-dependant, would not pursue sex,
perfectionist, shame based stoned and drunk person behind a smile and
a laugh. Bottom line, I was a mess. I knew I had problems and I would
seek professional help that never worked. Instead, I would seek anything
that I thought could fix me. That would only lead to more pain in my
relationships. Thirty fours years went by, one failed marriage, three
children (my daughter is in Heaven now), four step children, one wonderful
secure relationship with Jere, and soon I would meet Jesus!
Once a week, I would clean a home that would be playing WDAC, a Christian
radio station. While cleaning on those days, I would hear God's word and
music. A couple of months later, the Lord knocked and I answered.
He was the answer I was looking for. I could not believe someone so great
loved me. I was dirty, an addict, sick, and needed love. When I showed
up at the cross, I knew that I had a lot of problems. But, I had no clue
what my problem was.
One day, I shared my new life with the lady I cleaned for and asked her
for help answering my questions. She had a tape series titled "The Root
of Rejection", by Joyce Meyer. She asked if I would like to listen to it.
I responded, "Oh, I do not have a problem with that".
When I was done listening to that, the Lord showed up in such a way
I will never forget. All my problems were rooted in rejection and He
was giving me Beauty for Ashes through Him. In that moment, I learned
that God hates injustice and wrong doing of evil people, and that He
would restore and protect me. But, I had a responsibility to forgive
those people that hurt me and let Him deal with them. So, I did.
That was hard because I wanted to blame those people for those lost
years and my problems. I had a choice to believe His word and His
promises and to believe that I was now forgiven for years of living for
the devil ... that the blood of Jesus covered all of my past and sins.
That God the Father, my Father, loves me no matter what.
I made a choice and now I'm free. I keep falling into the arms of the
Father. He is the only one that will never abuse me or reject me.
But, I do know that He will discipline me in love. Some say that they
fear God, the Father, because of the raw deal their earthly fathers
dealt them. But in my case, I welcomed the much needed love that He
offered me through His Son, Jesus.
These are my lifetime scriptures.
Let me end with saying that you do not have to be abused to experience
rejection. We will encounter it, sometimes, daily. People will always
hurt us. Do not be so blind to think that they will not. Do not put
your faith in people because they will always let you down. He will not.
I learned that I went through pain, with Him, to help others see who He
is. He is the Deliverer. So, let Him deliver you from whatever bondage
you have. That is how we can show the world that He is Alive. Open the
wounds and put a Christ Aid on it.
I love you, Jesus.
~ by Heather Mendenhall ~