I had been using drugs (crack cocaine, acid, speed and alcohol) for
quite some time. I had been lied to by the devil that this was the
thing to do, this is what living was all about. My life became
unmanageable and I began to loose family and friends. I used drugs
to the point I did not care if I lived or died. I've been in situations
where my life was put on the line by death threats by other drug users
or dealers of drugs. At the time of my first use, it was introduced to me
and my husband at the same time. So we became using partners. We talked
and cussed at each other worse than two sailors talking. Our marriage
was not a marriage, we became addicted to the life style and the hatred.
Every night it was getting high, what the world would call "partying". I
began to loose my physical appearance. My teeth began to rot, my hair
would fall out and I did not care how my clothing looked on me because
the enemy of this world would tell me that nobody loved me. So I would
loose a little more of my identity slowly. What I had inside me began to
manifest to the outside of me. This is when I began to not only feel like
a brutal beast, but also look like a brutal beast. I had one child at the
time. I then gotten pregnant with my second child. At this time I was
homeless living in motels or wherever friends would let me sleep. I
became a booster in order to eat or get high.
I remember one night, a friend told me I could not stay with her after
using me to get high. She said, "my landlord says he's watching me and I
can't have anyone staying here all night". So I left and walked around
for a few hours. Waited until it got late enough and went to my friends
patio and slept under the outside table on the ground. That still was not
my rock bottom but it was getting close. One day my husband said to me,
"I would like to go back to my home town". Whenever this conversation came
up I would reply with, "yeah right". Not this time for some unknown reason
at that time I said "OK".
That first 30 days in my husband's home town I stayed clean. One day I was
folding my sons t-shirts and something hit me in the pit of my stomach that
it brought me to my knees. I screamed, "ooooh God help me, I don't want to
die". An elderly lady I had befriended came over and knocked at the door
impatiently. When I opened the door she asked, "are you o.k., I heard a scream."
Embarrassed, I told her I had the TV up to loud. That day I told God I will
give you thirty days to show me something different and better than what I
was doing. Or else I'm Going to smoke dope until I died. Well that night and
every night after that I began seeking God in song, worship and in his word.
Also in my environment, it's a life style change.
I'm now ministering to a population of people who are wanting to be in
recovery from addictions. God has brought me through college to earn a degree
in counseling and social work. I'm a worship leader in my church. I'm also a
alter caller for prayer needs. Oh yeah that thirty day thing, its been 13 years,
Today I have relationship with God and a fellowship. I love the lord so much.
He taught me that I will never be alone, just call on the name of the lord, He
is my refuge. Proverbs 31 says I will take you from your kindred so you can
grow many nations. That's exactly what God did. He took me from one state to
another in order to use me in His Kingdom. I have been battered but the
ship still sails.
My husband has 11 yrs clean and sober and is also active in the church. I
have four beautiful children in school and my oldest is in his second year
Nothing but God and my Savior Jesus Christ could do these things.