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Though The Sail Has Been Torn, The Ship Still Sails


I had been using drugs (crack cocaine, acid, speed and alcohol) for 
quite some time. I had been lied to by the devil that this was the 
thing to do, this is what living was all about. My life became 
unmanageable and I began to loose family and friends. I used drugs 
to the point I did not care if I lived or died. I've been in situations 
where my life was put on the line by death threats by other drug users 
or dealers of drugs. At the time of my first use, it was introduced to me 
and my husband at the same time. So we became using partners. We talked 
and cussed at each other worse than two sailors talking. Our marriage 
was not a marriage, we became addicted to the life style and the hatred.

Every night it was getting high, what the world would call "partying". I 
began to loose my physical appearance. My teeth began to rot, my hair 
would fall out and I did not care how my clothing looked on me because 
the enemy of this world would tell me that nobody loved me. So I would 
loose a little more of my identity slowly. What I had inside me began to 
manifest to the outside of me. This is when I began to not only feel like 
a brutal beast, but also look like a brutal beast. I had one child at the 
time. I then gotten pregnant with my second child. At this time I was 
homeless living in motels or wherever friends would let me sleep. I 
became a booster in order to eat or get high.

I remember one night, a friend told me I could not stay with her after 
using me to get high. She said, "my landlord says he's watching me and I 
can't have anyone staying here all night". So I left and walked around 
for a few hours. Waited until it got late enough and went to my friends 
patio and slept under the outside table on the ground. That still was not 
my rock bottom but it was getting close. One day my husband said to me, 
"I would like to go back to my home town". Whenever this conversation came 
up I would reply with, "yeah right". Not this time for some unknown reason 
at that time I said "OK".

That first 30 days in my husband's home town I stayed clean. One day I was 
folding my sons t-shirts and something hit me in the pit of my stomach that 
it brought me to my knees. I screamed, "ooooh God help me, I don't want to 
die". An elderly lady I had befriended came over and knocked at the door 
impatiently. When I opened the door she asked, "are you o.k., I heard a scream." 
Embarrassed, I told her I had the TV up to loud. That day I told God I will 
give you thirty days to show me something different and better than what I 
was doing. Or else I'm Going to smoke dope until I died. Well that night and 
every night after that I began seeking God in song, worship and in his word. 
Also in my environment, it's a life style change. 

I'm now ministering to a population of people who are wanting to be in 
recovery from addictions. God has brought me through college to earn a degree 
in counseling and social work. I'm a worship leader in my church. I'm also a 
alter caller for prayer needs. Oh yeah that thirty day thing, its been 13 years, 
Today I have relationship with God and a fellowship. I love the lord so much. 
He taught me that I will never be alone, just call on the name of the lord, He 
is my refuge. Proverbs 31 says I will take you from your kindred so you can 
grow many nations. That's exactly what God did. He took me from one state to 
another in order to use me in His Kingdom. I have been battered but the 
ship still sails.

My husband has 11 yrs clean and sober and is also active in the church. I 
have four beautiful children in school and my oldest is in his second year 
of college. 

Nothing but God and my Savior Jesus Christ could do these things.


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