Hi, my name is Annie. Iím a 17 year old girl who lives in Virginia, although Iím
getting ready to go to college in Pensacola Fl. in a couple of weeks. I would
like to share my testimony with you so that I may help and encourage. Please
read with an open heart. And may the Lord bless you.
Locked away deep down inside of me were awful feelings of failure and
hopelessness. They started appearing when I talked myself into believing that I
wasnít good enough for anything, that no one would ever love me, and that God
would never use me to serve Him. Satan has a way of twisting things to make a
person believe that no one loves them, (even though they are surrounded by
loving friends and family who do care for them) and that thereís no reason for
them to live a moment longer. He used these things to try and destroy me. I was
so close to the edge, I could feel death's cold grip.
All I could do is picture how my life would be if I were to be locked away in an
insane asylum, letting myself be free. I would catch myself staring at a drawer
full of knives, wondering how it would feel to have one slide across my skinÖa
trail of blood following closely behindÖ But, God stepped in and helped me.
A voice from deep down inside of me chimed in and I woke up from that nightmare
that once again struck so unexpectedly. The Lord showed me a portrait of my
lifeÖone that was filled with self-pity, selfishness, greed, and deceit. Then on
another canvas, one that was to be, He showed laughter and me filled with the
beautiful colors of joy, happiness, Godís unending grace, and peace. Oh, how
wonderful it is to be forgiven!
This feeling is one that is so hard to explain. I wanted to be a God fearing
Christian, a woman who gave all to her LordÖbut how in the world could I have
been a Christian feeling those feelings? Yes, I went to church, read my Bible,
dressed modestly, listened to the right music, but I had no joy. And didnít find
it until the Lord rescued me from death, and I was given a second chance to
Behind this smile was a heart that was yearning for real love. Behind this
laughter was a wall of hurt. Behind this funny face was a child who needed a
father who would listen when things got tough.
I have found my Father. He will always listen to me when I come to Him crying.
He will pick me up and hold me when I need a shoulder to lean on. Just think I
could have missed my opportunity to feel the joy of being His child and finding
His love once again after I had thrown it away.
To some my attempted suicide was a cruel blow, one full of selfishness and self
pity. To some it was a huge disappointment. To me it was a welcomed failure.
The Lord has given me a second chance. I donít deserve this chance, but Iím
accepting it with open arms. I have a chance to clean up the mess from my
mistake and help others.
For the person whoís thinking about suicide, please donít do it. The more you
think about it, the more it will drive you crazy. I spent too much time
pondering the thought of it until I tried it. HUGE MISTAKE. Wait and live life
some more. You will see things get better. Satan is trying to get you to "off"
yourself so you will never find the real joy awaiting you in the Fatherís open
arms. Open your heart and accept His love. He is waiting for you.
For my brother or sister who, like me has tried to commit suicide and was
privileged enough to be given a second chance, donít let it get you down. Donít
ever go back and think that you did something wrong to mess it up. You are alive
for a wonderful reason. If you are having doubts about being a born again
Christian, then examine yourself, and let God examine your heart. You may need
to confirm your faith. Open you heart to Him. Think back on the day that He
welcomed you into His heavenly family. Relive that joy.
I got too far away from my precious Lord...and too close to the enemy. I am so
thankful that He pulled me out when I didnít have the strength to do it myself.
He has given you a chance to live your life to the fullest.
Have hope and keep your hand in His.
If you havenít reached that point of unexplainable joy yet, keep serving the
Lord and serving others; you will find it there.
Read your Bible every chance you get. It is the secret to finding your strength.
Keep your eyes on our precious Lord, that is the secret to finding peace.
Place your hand in His, that is the secret to finding acceptance.
He will never let you go.
Hebrews 13:5 "For He hath said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee."
Thankful that the Lord stepped in,